Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow

If I could travel through time…

I would visit my younger self. That girl that could talk an ear off in fluent mother tongue at 3. That bold girl at 6 who loved to play and knew nothing but perfection. I would play and sing and dance with her all day, and beg her to guard her innocence jealously. I would tell her to hold on to the belief that she can be anything she sets out to be. Yes, even a police woman. Lord knows why children say they want to be the boys and girls in blue or bus drivers.

I would skip through time to the shy adolescent at 12. That girl whose face had just started breaking out. The girl with the straight figure who thought that the tiny, hardly noticeable swells on her chest make her far less, than the other girls already curvy and full. That girl that played soccer with the boys like she was one of them all the while hoping they would see past the boyish looks and manner to she within. That girl that quickly outgrew games and hid deep within the world of books, going off on adventures with the Famous Five and getting Goosebumps with R. L Stine. That girl who wanted to be Nancy Drew when she grew up, solving crimes and driving a Mustang to college because being a detective sounded so cool.

I would sit watching her excited face at every new mystery novel. Her shy smile when a boy she liked said hi. Her determination as she tried to rub lemon all over her acne because Mercy said that would get rid of them. I would watch her growing into the teenage realm, discovering hidden treasures within herself, growing into a new sense of confidence as she learned to draw, to paint, to write.

I would remember all this; the novelty of every new experience and I would make a mental note to never stop marvelling at things and encounters new.

I would definitely make a stop-over at 21. At this girl, finally in college, finally getting a taste of Nancy Drew and her friends’ lives- Only, rather than solving the mysteries of missing diamonds and roaming phantoms, hers were cases of missing marks and supplementary exams. Rather than a Mustang, she made do with a Footsubishi.

This girl that was so full… Full of life and a determination to live it. But a girl that also hid plenty of insecurities behind well placed smiles and hearty laughs.

This girl that was only discovering that life isn’t simply black or white- It can be blue and red with blotches of yellow all over. Sometimes it can be a murky stain of gray with acid green here and there. This girl that was only learning that actions bear consequences, that you can’t always go crying to your momma when you’re all alone in this big world. This girl that was only seeing how complicated, and yet so uncomplicated friendships can get. This girl viewing her existence through a whole different lens, as though curtains were slowly being drawn back.

I would tell her to not be so burdened with things that will be irrelevant in a year. To treasure the beauty of here and now, cherishing the moments when the sun is warm and tender against her skin; walking through the thunder and the rain. I would tell her it’s never that serious- not that flunked CAT that caused her sleepless nights, nor being occasionally poorer than a church-mouse’s maid. I would tell her to understand the seasons of life; that like the moon, there will be periods and relationships that wax and wane, and that that, is perfectly alright. I would urge her to remember her fierce boldness at 6 and to not be so afraid.

Then I would journey on, to the dame at 50. I would lean in and observe the lines on her face. The wrinkles around her eyes from years of laughter. The creases on her forehead from worry and frustration. I would feel her palms for the age they have lived. I would look into her eyes to see if they’re still ablaze with her fiery spirit.

I would beg her to tell me if the decades have been gentle. If she has seen peace and joy through her youth or if time and it’s woes have consumed her. If everything she has been through has made her stronger. I would ask her if she’s proud of the woman I am today. If she is happy with who I will grow into. If she patiently watches over me, encouraging me to keep walking, to keep working to where she stands, cheering me on.

I would look around at the trinkets she has collected over the years, wondering what their history is, and when I will arrive at the point in time to which they belong.

Then I would ask her to never let the storms take away the beauty. I would ask her to keep dancing as she did at 6, to keep alive her joy at new things like she did at 12, to keep living as she did at 21, and to keep hope alive as I am now. I would ask her to never grow slack in zeal, to always be fervent in Spirit, to always serve the Lord.

Inspired (by a minute fraction) by Audrey Niffenegger, The Time Traveller’s Wife.

To world enough, and time.